Strange things can happen to a relationship when a man stays, for a while, in the house of a girlfriend. Something can get out of balance and out of kilter in the relationship if this is not handled carefully.

A while ago, I went to stay with a girlfriend in another country. I lived in her apartment with her for four weeks. I did not speak the language and I did not know my way around. This made me a bit dependent on her. Something felt very odd about this and there seemed to be an edge of irritability that would creep into her manner from time to time.

At first I thought it was just because she was not used to sharing her living space. Then something happened that change things completely. I got a couple of weeks work in that city. This got me out of 'holiday mode' and into 'work mode'. I suddenly had a more focused and active way of behaving and my girlfriend's irritability disappeared miraculously!

I've talked to various men and women about this just to make sure I was not making too much of this incident, and a few others like it, that I have experienced. I now believe that there does seem to be a pattern behind this. There seems to be more to it than just the guy needing to get himself out of the woman's hair.

It is tricky when you are a guest of someone else. Most of us look to see how we can fit in with the others person's lifestyle. However, a man going too far with that with a woman can easily be seen as 'too submissive' by her. This may annoy her without her being able to explain why. She may instinctively react against being put in the role of provider (of living space etc).

Human beings have territorial instincts on an animal level. When a guy spends a lengthy period of time in a woman's territory he has to be careful not to seem too dependent on her. As far as I can tell, even in these days of changing roles, this can drive the woman nuts as she feels like he is no longer 'a man'. Her reaction seems to be instinctive, so she may not even be sure why she is getting so bothered.

The problem may get worse if they guy notices that the women is apparently troubled by something and then makes a concerted effort to please her. If he tries fitting in even more with her way of doing things, or gets into asking 'What would you really like to do?", "Is there something you want?". He is then doing more of the same when he should be doing the opposite. He ought to be focusing more on what he wants and doing something about that.

How extreme the issues are depends on the personalities involved. A very 'manly' man may not trigger resentment in the women he is visiting. He may claim his own right to be there in a healthy way.

A very strong woman may have a certain amount of fun taking the lead in a relationship - for a while. However, if the man becomes too accommodating for too long irritation can set in (i.e. look out for a 'bitch on wheels'!).

An overly nice guy, who will tend to be very overly accommodating, is almost guaranteed to severely the test the patience of any 'traditional' woman whose house he goes to stay in. He will give her power and responsibility she does not want.

I suspect that the trick is for the guy to have his own life as much as possible while visiting her. It helps if he has some kind of work focus that is in the other place or brings that with him. Failing that, then it is good if he can be constructive and active as reasonably possible and have plans and ideas about what they could do together and not leave too much to her initiative.

The main thing seems to be for the man to remain authentic and not too go jumping through hoops to please her. This is too tempting for many men (especially for a women they really care for) yet it makes them much less attractive in the woman's eyes. She wants a relationship with him not with a carbon copy of herself. She wants a man who can stand on his own two feet. It is hard to stand on your own two feet while bending over backwards!