There is a particular word in the English language that is incredibly powerful. We use it often, yet might not realize at all what a powerful word it is.

This word has the power to completely change how we behave within our relationships - and therefore enables us to improve them in a radical way. The word I am referring to is the word 'and'.

We can use this word to transform how we handle just about any situation. For example, if someone I really like dumps me I can use the word 'and' to change how I feel about it.

Instead of deciding this means I need to become celibate, wear a hair shirt and consign myself to a monastery for the rest of my days; I can use 'and' to create a feeling shift. I can think to myself 'OK, I've been dumped AND I can see this as a chance to find someone more suited to me'.

If I intervene by using the word AND to turn the situation around at least a bit. I can begin to take charge of my own feelings rather than letting them be dependent on what other people do - or don't do. I stop being a victim of other people's behavior and begin to take charge of my own feelings and my own life.

It may take a few attempts to help my feelings shift to a happier tone, but this is just a matter of skill and that comes from practice.

I find that using AND in this way gives me confidence that I can handle my genuine raw feelings. I don't have to avoid negative feelings, or the situations that might cause them, because I have a way to deal with them. A little bit of wisdom and skill makes whatever courage I have go a lot further! I can work with how I really feel rather than being swamped by a bad mood, or trying to smother my feelings in a false attempt at positive thinking.

Sometimes it takes a bit of work to find something positive to say about something that felt hurtful or frustrating. But, even just the attempt produces rewards.

If something does not go the way I want I can just acknowledge it; 'My lover does not like it that I have a wooden leg - AND at least the termites like me.', 'My lover is and axe murderer - AND he/she is great at chopping my wood for me.', 'My love is really an alien from another galaxy - AND his/her additional anatomical parts are really fun.'. The 'and' opens me up for what am I going to do about it, rather than just putting up with something, feeling bad about it, or pretending that it does not bother me.

One of the most powerful uses of this word is; 'My love is sometimes a pain in the butt, AND I love him/her anyway...'.

The right use of the word 'and' gives us choices. I think that is a very good thing - AND, I hope you do too.