Dating Tips and Advice 1: WHAT MAKES A GREAT PROFILE?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT MAKES A GREAT PROFILE? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The most important first step on MYG is your Profile. That is how you create your first impression. Even if you initiate the contact people are going to go immediately to your Profile before replying, so it will still play an important part in creating a first impression.
What makes a great Profile? One that works! A great Profile is one that attracts the kind of people you want. Your Profile is an opportunity to present yourself in ways that will attractive to the kind of people that you find attractive.
In order to create a great Profile we need to know: a) something about the types of person we like. b) something good we can say about ourselves.
Writing a Profile can be a wonderful chance to see what goes on at the back of our mind about relationships. What comes up for you in creating a Profile may be what comes of you whatever you do about finding a partner. It can be a really good chance to look at those issues and be able to step back a little and see if there is something blocking you.
Like many people I am resistant to the idea of 'selling' myself. However, this is something we need to get over if we want to do well in the dating game. It's not that we need to come on like an in-your-face door-to-door salesman, it just that some of us could do better at putting our best foot forward.
Would you go into a shop that put its worst products (or the contents of their rubbish bin!) on display in their window? Yet, that is what many people do with their Profiles and then wonder why nobody responds in the way they want.
It is almost like they are saying 'I know you are not going to like me so I wont bother trying'. Could be they are just too busy to get round to making the effort, but how are the rest of us supposed to figure out what the person is really like?
Some people 'do not like to put on a front'. Then what they do instead is put on a BAD front. There is no way to avoid putting on a front in some shape or form. It is like having 'no weather'. It is not possible.
What I mean by a 'BAD front' is one that does not create the results you want. That's all. If what you do works for you, great. If not, then maybe its time for a wee change, or two.
Somewhere inside you know that you have something valuable to offer other people. You can't avoid having it. God put it there. Why not let a bit of it show? What else is life for? If you can't be you, who ya gonna be?
Or, are you going to rely people's psychic abilities to tell them that you are worth getting to know? I don't recommend that approach and I should know as I tried it for long enough….;-)
What good things have people said about you - ever ? Make a list and see what you can use. Leave out the ones like, 'He/she looks so cute in that school uniform!'.
What do you like in other people? Make a list. You might want to reduce your list if it requires the other person to be perfect in every possible way.
If you are worried that you might sound like you are boasting if you say nice things about yourself try the putting 'friends say I am' before you start your list. Of course, this is a well-tried technique, but it works. We want to use what works.
Many people are looking for someone with a GSOH (Good Sense of Humor). If you have that say so, or even better show it in what you say!
Focus on what you want not on what you don't want. A mountain biking friend of mine tells me that the most important thing when out on a trail (especially in negotiating a difficult or dangerous one) is to keep your attention on where you want to go and not on where you don't want to go.
Writing a Profile is like that. (Life is like that!) We have to keep our attention on where we want to go and what we want to have. Of course, in life we may have had negative experiences that shape what we expect to happen now. These can tend to keep our attention too much on thinking about what we don't want. However, we can choose to use this moment to put the past aside and keep our attention on what we want.
It is worth spending quality time on how you present yourself. It shows other people that you respect yourself and automatically tends to make them respect you too.
Rejection is a big thing for most of us. I'll say more about that, and how to get over it, in the next newsletter….
For now please remember: keep to your attention on where you want to go and what you want to have. Think about whether you Profile really does you justice.
