Dating Tips and Advice > Dating Tips and Advice 31: The Easiest Way to Find the Perfect Partner
Dating Tips and Advice 31: The Easiest Way to Find the Perfect Partner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Easiest Way to Find the Perfect Partner ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the one thing, which we can do that would have the most dramatic effect in helping us find our perfect partner?
The answer is simple: improve our self-image.
Nothing else is as fundamentally powerful and effective as this. Everything in our life is a reflection of the image we have of ourselves. Our self-image determines whether we insist on having our relationships be an area of constant difficulty, or whether we allow good things to come our way - and seize the opportunity when they do.
Many of us struggle to get our life to go in the direction we want. We work at it, and work at it, with varying degrees of success, then finally give up exhausted and feeling that we are a failure.
Imagine you were on a sailing boat and the wind was blowing you in a direction where you did not want to go. The way to change direction is to use the rudder to steer. But, many of us don't even know our life has a rudder. We get out a paddle (or make a fruitless attempt with bare hands) and try and fight the direction in which the rudder is causing us to go.
Our internal rudder is our self-image. Our self-image takes us in the direction which it is set for, and it is much better and much less effort simply to change our self-image than to keep trying to willfully paddle against it.
Notice it is the rudder that determines the direction a boat goes in - not the direction of the wind! This is even true of sailing boats, which can tack against the wind. Even if the basic direction of life seems against us, we can still move forward if we change our self-image.
We change our self-image by changing what we imagine to be true about ourselves. Do you imagine yourself as a loner? Guess what you get?
Do you imagine yourself as being no good at relationships? Does worry and fear cause you to imagine yourself as a failure and as being lonely for the rest of your life? Do you imagine yourself as some kind of loser and don't want people to find out what a mess your life is? These imaginings all build our self-image.
Our self-image is what we imagine for, and about, ourselves. The more time we spend imaging these things the more we build or self-image around them and the more our life goes in those directions.
In a way every relationship we have ever had has been perfect! It is a perfect match for the self-image we had at that time. If we spend our time quietly imaging loneliness, pain, rejection and so on, what else can we expect to happen?
A pain-filled self-image creates painful relationships. If we refuse to believe in our own goodness and value ourselves, then we are rejecting part of ourselves. This tends to create relationships where our own goodness is not recognized by our partner - or by potential partners.
Rather than resenting those who have 'rejected' us we can just see them as mirroring how we have treated ourselves. We don't need to waste our time and energy resenting them we can just move on and get busy with changing from the inside.
The direction our rudder is pointing was originally set when we were kids. Why leave it that way!?! Do we want to keep going on the same way for the rest of our lives! Why not change the direction of the darn thing if it is not taking us where we want to go!
How to build a positive self-image?
Imagine right now, this very minute, you have the ideal relationship. Imagine you have found the perfect partner. Imagine you felt totally loved and accepted...
How would you feel? What would be the look on your face? How would you walk? How would you stand? How would you dress? What kind of life would you lead?
Try doing this for five, or ten, minutes a day and see what happens.
If you don't believe this will make a difference, think for a moment. Consider someone you know whom most people would be think of as a 'loser'. Think about that person's attitude to life and how different their life could be if they changed that.
Notice how their attitude sets them up to get exactly what they are expecting. Notice how their attitude affects the look on their face, how they stand and how the walk. Notice especially how it affects their tone of voice and their body language. Think about how other people respond to this.
Write down what you would most like to say to that person about they should change their attitude - no holds barred. Then write a kinder version - and tell yourself those things to give your own 'inner loser' (we all have one) a positive shock.
We can do more for ourselves than either quietly bearing our lot in life, noisily complaining about it, or scrambling to try and change course when we see disaster looms ahead.
We can change the fundamental direction of our lives by taking charge of our own internal rudder. We don't have to put up with it pointing in the same direction it was set in when we were kids. Our self-image is our rudder and we can use our imagination to create the kind of self-image that empowers us.
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Till next time,
William webmaster@meetyourgreens.com http://meetyourgreens.com
