A bit more on mood shifters. These are very important, because the general mood we maintain is the emotional climate that surrounds us. Just like plants need the right kind of environment to grow in healthy ways; relationships also need the right emotional climate so they can be healthy.
'Exotic blooms' just don't grow in freezing conditions. If we maintain an emotional climate that is too cold (playing it too cool), too hot (to much anger or resentment), too dark (too much bitterness and cynicism), too dry (too heavy or too serious) then most potential relationships will wither away and die.
If too many of our relationship seem like 'prickly cactuses', or some bizarrely shaped 'fungus' of some kind, or if life feels like a scorched wasteland or frozen wildnerness where nothing much lives, then we really need to look at the kind of emotional climate we maintain!
Last week we looked at gratitude as a mood shifter (reminder: think of 50 thinks you feel grateful for and to do that every day for a month). However, we need to be a wee bit careful with that one so that it does not descend into guilt.
If we are feeling really down it is hard to feel grateful about anything. If that is the case then trying to push ourselves into feeling grateful may make us feel worse. One trick then might be to think of a few you at least feel a wee bit grateful for and keep your attention on them till things loosen up a bit. If that doesn't work, that's fine. It is not the most important thing.
Creating a good emotional climate is not about feeling 'great' all the time. We can actually create a healthy emotional climate even when we feel really low. It is all about how we relate to ourselves (and to the events in our lives) and whether we do that kindly or not.
Mood shifting is about cultivating good feelings when we can. It is not about trying to bully ourselves into always being a happy bunny every minute of every day. We can't beat or punish someone into being happy, so neither can we do that to ourselves. If we treat ourselves kindly, especially when we feel like a leper, that can work wonders. Kindness is the best mood shifter of all.
Sometimes in order to shift a mood we need to 'feel it to heal it'. Sometime we need to treat ourselves gently and let feelings run their course. If that is the case we can look at what we can do to help ourselves, by listening to our feelings and finding out what we need. Maybe we need some quite time, maybe we need to not be so busy for a little while. Maybe we need silence. Perhaps we need to spend some time in nature.
Beauty can be a great healer: whether it is beautiful art, nature, music, literature or architecture. Spending time with that which inspires us is 'food for the good' in us.
The interesting thing is that if we treat ourselves kindly potential partners get the message that we will treat them kindly too. Besides, we are much more fun to be around when we treat ourselves well. Friends and colleagues will spot what a good partner we will make - either for them, or for someone they know. When we become a better ally to ourselves other people also become better allies too and can help is in our search for a partner.
> + Sighing >Sighing is a great mood shifter... >I sometimes wonder if one of the attractions of smoking cigarettes > is that people get to sigh as they exhale...
"i agree about your smoking comment. i just quit cigarettes cold turkey, have been without for almost 4 full weeks, and have beat the cravings mostly by breathing deeply when I feel like having a smoke. i am convinced that it is indeed the concentrated and deeper breathing associated with taking draws off a lit cigarette that are much of the relaxation associated with smoking. i smoked for just about a decade, up to a pack a day. i'm thru with it and the breathing is such good incentive because you can feel, day by day, that your concentrated deep breaths are fuller and more smooth the longer you've quit. biking, too, has helped as a diversion. thanks for coming up with that thought, too!"
