Dating Tips and Advice 13: Hidden Side of Compatibility
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hidden Side of Compatibility ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever met someone where it all seemed fine, yet somehow you just did not click? Or it seemed great to start with, but there was something missing? What can sometimes cause that is if there are differences in values between people.
For example, say you really valued kindness and it was an important core value for you. If you were getting to know someone and you saw them treating someone unkindly, or the boastfully told you a story of when they did, that would really be a wet blanket on a potential relationship. You could just feel 'yuck' towards them and you may or may not be clear as to why.
Compatibility has a lot more to do with than just whether people like to go to the same places and do similar things. Or, whether we like the same music or films as a potential partner. Having different interests can enhance a relationship as it gives people something different to talk about. But, whether we fit with each other's core values can make or break a relationship.
The trick is to know what your core values are. Here is one way to do it.
Imagine you were now at the end of your life. Imagine you are sitting feeling contended looking back at your life.
Imagine now that you have received a letter (or an email if you prefer) from a child who is very dear to you. This child has written to ask you what is important about life. They have asked you, "What are the most important things in order to live a good and fulfilling life?". You imagine yourself as an 'Great Aunt' or 'Great Uncle' if you like.
If you sit down and write an actual reply to his child (you can give them any name you want) you will soon discover you core values. Many people get quite a surprise when they do this, as it is a real eye opener.
Once you have discovered your own core values you stand a much better chance of finding someone who you are really compatible with. They do not have to have the same core values as you, they just need to compatible with you on that level.
Of course, people's values can change. Other people may even influence us in changing them. However, we stand a much better chance of being aware of what is going on between us and another person if we are a least a bit aware of the effect of values.
