If a physical disease caused as much pain and anguish as that caused by loneliness, it would be top of the list for finding a cure! The World Health Organization would set up a programme to combat it. The UN would encourage the scientists of the world to focus on it. The Health Services of each country would have special ambulances to whisk people away for treatment at the first sign of them catching it.
Yet, loneness is everywhere. I asked a friend of mine the other day if he ever got lonely. He hesitated then said ‘yes’. The guy has three kids and beautiful wife! She loves him dearly and he loves her. What’s he doing feeling lonely?…
Of course we have ways of ‘handling’ it. Drugs (legal or otherwise) and that general anesthetic of the western world, alcohol, play dubious roles. Getting obsessive about something (work, a hobby, whatever), or someone, are other attempts.
I suspect that depression is often caused by loneliness. It is known that long-term physical pain can cause depression. I suspect long-term emotional pain can too and loneliness can get painful.
I also suspect that loneliness is a spiritual condition as much as it is a social one. It is an issue between us and God. Expecting that finding the right partner will cure it only takes us so far.
Underneath it all that are the unanswered questions, “Why have I been abandoned here?” and, “What did I do wrong?”.
What is the cause of loneliness? Well, it is not a lack of people! There are billions of us after all!
There are things that help. Especially, if we are willing to stop running away from ourselves and look at the attitudes within us that cause loneliness.
It is my belief that we are internally ‘wired’ to belong to humanity. If we don’t have a sense of connection to human race, and to the world we inhabit, then how else can we feel but lonely? If we don’t even have a sense of connection with our own selves then we are bound to feel lonely no matter what we do.
Principles that help me are:
+ Don’t save up all your love for a ‘special person’. Love those around you as best you can. Try and see what is good in others and – very important - tell them about it. + Do your best to love those who you think don’t deserve it – even if you have to do so from a safe distance. Don’t beat yourself up when you can’t do this. + Give up negative thought habits that cause feelings of being isolated. Such as; any kind of cynicism, being constantly annoyed or angry at ‘the government’, or always having issues with any kind of ‘them’ and give up every sort of generally complaining behavior. + Get taken advantage now and again and just laugh it off, because your life feels so blessed. + Give up any idea that life owes you anything - especially ‘the perfect relationship’. Start thinking and behaving as if you are already in your perfect relationship and see what happens. + Listen to yourself. Let the lonely parts of yourself speak, rather than trying to run from them. They will tell you what you really need. When what comes up starts to surprise you, you will know you are getting there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Members Comment ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It does no harm to a few paragraphs that you send to people to tell them about yourself as a way of an introduction. A little bit of effort there can go a long way.
As one member writes:
“I get regular messages from members. But they often consist of one or two single sentences. If men want me to react positively, they should make more effort.
On the other hand I have had interesting contact with someone, but then they start talking about ‘love' after we have only written to each other a few times…
HELP! How can the other side talk about love when I don't have a clue about what makes them tick. What passions they have, what angers them, moves them, what their visions are on the world in general, where they stand politically…”
