~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Email: First Contact ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email is the same as any other form of interaction in that first impressions are very important.
If you are not sure how to make your initial contact with someone on MYG then try the FlirtForFun option first. If you are feeling a bit more confident then, by all means send a message. However, think about what you want to say and the impression you want to make.
People like to feel special and that you are contacting them specifically. It is not very effective to send a message that could be to anyone on the site. The recipient will tend to feel like they are just one of many on a long list.
It is important to personalize your message. Let it show that you have seen their photo (if they have one) and have taken the trouble to read their Profile. After all, you already know a fair bit about them from that (rough location, age, height, etc.) even if they have hardly any text.
Go easy on complimenting someone about their photo. It can put them on the defensive, or make you seem superficial, if you say too much. Yes, by all means say something if you want. But it is usually best to keep it to one sentence. Specific comments (about hair, eyes, facial expression, etc) can be very effective.
You can quote a bit of their Profile that caught your attention, or comment on it (in a positive of way). Humor can work well, but go easy with joking about them at first (unless you are really skilled in this area) till you get the measure of the person and they get the measure of you.
Also looking at the kind of wording they use can give you clues as to how to word things in ways that will be meaningful to them. If they use 'visual' terms (like 'I see') then use those when you can, or if they use 'audio' terms (like 'I hear') then it can be good to match those for a bit.
Looking for cues in how people express themselves in order to get in sync with them can seem a bit daunting at first. But, a little bit of effort brings great rewards that can spill over into other areas of life as it helps with communication in general. An advantage of practicing this skill on what someone has written is that it gives more chance to think before responding than during a conversation.
Regular readers of the news^letter know that I am a strong advocate of developing skills in less risky areas of life that we can then adapt to dating and relating. So, in any correspondence you get you might want to notice the kind of style the person is using and how effectively you are replying. Bizarre at is may seem, writing 'I see what you mean' to someone who tends to write 'I hear what you are saying' is not so effective as using their kind of phrasing. The same goes for conversation too, but that's for another time.
Like all aspects of dating and relating it is all about being balanced and not overdoing it. That is a skill that just comes with practice
This is the way one female member put it:
"I like to receive a response that indicates that the "respondee" has actually read (and comprehended) my ad. Sometimes (a lot actually) I get a response that almost makes me look over my shoulder and wonder, "Who is he talking to??" Specific references to the ad's content tell me the person has replied to me in particular, not just a warm body (warm ad?)."
~~~ William
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Good Stuff ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
