Dating Tips and Advice 25: A Video of a Great Relationship
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Video of a Great Relationship ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ever notice how hard it is when someone leaves you? Sometimes even if it is someone we are glad to be rid of the feelings can be mixed. This can lead us to build up a fear of 'being left'. This in turn, can effect how we relate to other people as we try to minimize situations where we might experience 'being left'.
What's behind all that? What causes us to have such strong fears of being left?
A lot of it seems to be from childhood. As a child we have to avoid 'being abandoned' at all costs. After all, in the early days of the human race a child that got left did not survive. That makes avoiding 'being left' or avoiding 'being abandoned' a survival instinct. No wonder it is such as strong feeling!
Of course there is all the social stuff on top. Those good ol' dramatic tunes start to play. Ones with titles like "I Will Now be Alone Forever!", or "Nobody Will Ever Love Me!", or even "This Really Shows I am Utterly and Completely No Good!".
It's interesting that even if we have got heartily sick of the person and they finally leave (or even when we leave them) some of those same old tunes start up. It is quite absurd that even when we finally get rid of somebody who was no good, daft old tunes like "It Was All My Fault" can come up and get in the way of "Happy Days are Here Again!".
It is like Radio Station Misery is broadcasting night and day and just waiting for us to tune in. The station announcer says, "Stay tuned and feel pathetic and useless all day!". Hey, but guess who controls the radio? Why, it is us of course.
We can obviously turn that thing down, or even better switch to another station. Sounds so simple put like that, But, is it in practice?
Maybe it is not so easy to overcome reactions, which are based on a survival instinct. However, it does help to notice what our 'favorite' tunes are in those situations. That puts us in charge of our lives a bit more so that we are not just victims of our own fears.
I sometimes like to play 'Name that Tune' with different feelings and moods. I make up daft song tiles (whether such a song exists or not) to go with the feeling. Not all the time, by the way. At times I might prefer to give myself some genuine care, or I contact a supportive friend.
However, if I feel that I keep getting stuck in the same old thing. I sometimes find it helpful to think of titles that match the feelings. It can be a neat way to rise above the drama especially if the titles are really over the top and exaggerated. Titles like "I Really Know for Sure that I Will Never Ever be Happy After This", help me smile my way into a different perspective.
Hey, you know how in films the theme tune tells you what is going to happen next? The music gets romantic and you know something romantic is about to happen. The music gets fast and exciting and you know a car chase, or something, is about to occur.
Don't you find that is true of life? That your experiences often match the theme tunes you run most often?
Maybe the Cosmic Video Editor creates experiences for us that match the mood of the emotional themes we keep playing. Maybe if we keep playing sad love themes, for real or in our imaginations, the Cosmic Video Editor gives as sad love experiences to go with those.
If that is true, then maybe we can change our own movie by changing the tunes. Maybe if we pick happier tunes the Cosmic Video Editor will give us happier experiences.
What does 'I am Incredibly Successful in Love!', feel like? What about 'I am On the Up and Up!'. Or, how about 'I Love my Life!".
Now I just need to figure out how to turn off that darn Radio Station Misery and play my own choice of music instead...
